Thursday, June 21, 2012

Forgiveness: Ask for it and Give it...

Photo Credit: Dew Photography

 "You were always one of the strongest and most well-grounded Christians I knew. What happened to you?'

That was basically the statement & question spoken to me after I had been through one of the worst times. That statement hurt me. Today, I am being transparent. Some of this has been alluded to along the way with this blog. I have told you all that we have moved to another state. Even told you, I had been disobedient and it not only hurt me but others in my life.  As Paul Harvey would say, "Here is the rest of the story..." Well, not the complete story for out of respect and privacy to my Sweetie’s request "some things will stay close to the chest."

Last August, an incident brought me to my knees (not in prayer either) that most would consider an annoyance.  Per honoring Sweetie’s aforementioned request, this is all I will say about the actual incident. What I need to share is how this incident affected me? I became extremely ill. I couldn't eat or sleep. Even lost 25lbs in 10 days. My doctor said normally she would have been happy about me losing 25lbs but not this way. I was in a bad place. My doctor put me on one medicine for the anxiety and another to sleep. I would have times of crying uncontrollably. I wasn't able to think clearly or even function. Basically, I was a wreck or as some of younger friends would say "ONE HOT MESS!"

I even went to a counselor and her response was she didn't think she would be of much help for my situation. However, if I wanted to pay $90.00 per visit we could schedule more visits.

Too many people, my response was not appropriate or expected of a Christian. Much less a Christian involved in ministry and holding leadership positions. That hurt me. Who gives us the right to determine what is the proper response? Confession Time: In two separate instances in my past, I had thought the same statement, which had been made to me about other Christians.

 I couldn't explain, at the time to my friends, family, church family or ministry partners, why I was responding the way I did. In retrospect, I can and have explained on this blog (read the list on the related blog's link) how disobedience can affect one's life and what God revealed to me. I have asked God to forgive me for my disobedience. Thank you Jesus for being there for me with open arms. 

Why tell you all this? Because it is important for others to realize those in leadership and ministry are human. We can be hurt. We are fallible. We need love and grace. God has and is healing me from my hurt. I love and have forgiven. In my heart, I believe those involved would not hurt me intentionally.  Also, I pray He is healing and helping those hurt by my actions. 

Have you hurt or been hurt? Take it to God. Ask forgiveness and give forgiveness. 

"For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you"
Matthew 6:14

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